Fear of Happiness


Dear love,

You know, I love you. You know, how much I love spending each moment of this beautiful life with you. You know, how I love doing things with you, I have never done before. You know, you know it all. I want to marry you, you know that, too. But to lay it on the line, I fear happiness of marrying you.

To play fair, my love, I have to tell you this. I have to tell you that if marrying you is excitable to me, it is also a strain. If thinking about marrying you makes me gleeful to no end, it makes me nervous, too.

I don’t quite know why, but the only fear with marriage is not its uncertainties, rather happiness, thus associated.

To speak the truth, my love, I do not fear about fear of failures, suppression of love, misunderstanding or pain. Be it books that I have read, or an encountered reality, I have known the unsettling phase, despite that, I fear happiness of marrying.

It is not that I have gone too far with this marriage thing. For me, as of now, it is sitting with you under the night sky and reading poems of our favorite poets. It is lying next to you and watching you. It is kissing you in public without caring about running-in to any relative. It is drinking my day’s first and last tea with you. It is hugging you whenever I am excited instead of calling or messaging you about it. It is keeping you awake even if you fall asleep. It is fostering you to cook my favorite dish even if you don’t know how to. It is having a complete day to spend with you. It is going to bed with you each night and waking up next to each day.

It is to not fear if I make any argument, because I know, I’ll make it up to you with just my presence.
It is to not lose trust even if there’s a misunderstanding, because then there won’t be any need to call, to message, or to video chat with you, but to look into eyes and understand.
It is to keep that Godlike behavior of forgiveness, because in all fights and argument we would understand that mistakes happen.

To speak honestly, my love, I fear happiness of marrying. Happiness of being with you always. Happiness of wining over numerous fights and arguments. Happiness of holding you while sleeping. Happiness of knowing that in all ups and downs you’ll always be there with me. Happiness of sharing our happiness. Happiness of being inseparable and happiness of loving to an infinite infinity.

To be sincere, my love, I fear happiness of marrying you. Because this world fetters happiness with fickleness. Because humans overrates happiness and marriages. Because overflowing love makes you vulnerable to heartache. Because we humans guard our treasures.

Even in this world of us, where love is glorified, to be honest, my love, I fear happiness of marrying you.

Truly yours.



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