When my laugh was louder than
the aroused waves at night
while your words filled
all spaces between the stars
when you held me close by my waist
hand in hand, a step forward, together
while the rhythms matched our heartbeats
when I almost fell from the bed
drinking wine from your mouth
while falling more and more for you
when only air was between us
while I loved you and you loved me too
and I whispered into your ear,
“Have I taken away your heart?”
and you held my face, in your hands
laughed and asked if I were too drunk,
and I was left to wonder
if I ever could even touch it,
when I almost lost myself to you
while you almost made me believe in love.
Fear has spread
like a fever in your head
you step back, while life walks ahead
having your foot stuck in the sinkhole
you wish to swim the ocean, to fly high
dreaming to be whole and all
with your heavy and blind eyes.
Tell me, how long it has been?
To you, when did you become so mean?
Sitting on the bed, in disguise
you slowly lose yourself and then despise
in the growing dark you look for sunrise
wishing the rays to slink through the lies
all that you welcomed and occupied your room
that slowly and painfully broke your own butterfly
the one you lost amidst your gloom.
Why did you let yourself do the wrong?
Where have you hidden the truth for so long?
Open the window, look at the moon
let these fears and doubts leave your room
come out of the sinkhole
let the moonlight fall on you
while the stars kindle your soul
let the truth about you make you warm
while the sky wraps you in its arm
Tell me now, how and who you are?
Have you ever felt so light and free, my star?
The days are still long and the nights still are immeasurable, but memories of you, the thought of you, your brown eyes, your big nose, your hands, all now lies on the horizon. There is no fear if they cross, or if they stay there. Slowly and slowly, the line would fade.
The ocean is dark and deep as it always was, but I have learned to swim. I no longer fear of getting drowned in you, by you. The tides roar high and search for me, but my feet have befriended sand, clasping it tight. I no longer fear of getting devoured by the eerie sound of the tides. The screams from the torrent of your ruthless love do not shut, but the calmness of letting you go is not perturbed. I no longer fear getting swallowed. Slowly and slowly, the ocean would dry.
Your sun has set, and the summer of love has faded away into the cold mist. The moonlight has disowned your shadow, and the stars don’t look for you, yet somehow your face is reflected when they twinkle. Slowly and slowly, the cold mist would cloud the stars.
The day you named my prayer a curse for you, I puked out all the love for you over the memories we shared. However, I doubt myself if I puked it all, while I write this, thinking about you. But I know that, I will spill them out, slowly and slowly, poem by poem, word by word, smoothly emptying my body, and making space for another love, the one I always deserved, the one worthy to have and worthy to keep.
The fog outside has veiled
the summer of love
of you and me
and the sunshine still
peeps through the spaces
between the branches and trees
and falls on my face you once knew
on my hands that waved goodbye
and I know, it isn’t because of you
it isn’t because the sun still shines,
it’s the unconsciousness
weaving poems, word after a word
poems that are soporific, not lullabies
poems, without a meaning
without a purpose,
and they don’t matter,
not even the sieved sunshine,