I Think Not!

I don’t know why I am writing this, maybe I want someone who has been crushed to read this and know that they are not alone in their struggle, or maybe I haven’t written this, perhaps someone else, the one I have never met in daylight, but is sure of her existence. But does that matter to anyone? I think not!

Suicide is never the last resort, because when pain has engulfed you completely, it is the pain that will cure it. No one in this fucking world has any kind of power over you. Never let a situation or a person control you to a level where your life doesn’t seem worth living, because the fact is that it is yours not theirs, because that fact is they did not give a damn to your pain and tears, your endless tries and efforts to get out of depression, your benumb thoughts and frozen body, but you are giving an unnecessary damn to them. Because the fact is circumstances change, but you are not giving yourself time to see them changing. Is it all worth it? I think not!

After you wake up from your suicidal dreams, go and take a shower and drain out all your suicidal thoughts, let the pain of seeing yourself as a failure at your various tasks, or in some relationship, slowly slip down your body with the water. Because you were not born to live for certain number of years, to fail and to kill yourself. You are more than these failures; you deserve a better love than the one, which compelled you to push yourself when you were at the edge; you deserve your own trust, not theirs; you are born to fulfill your dreams and ambitions, not theirs. The clock is same for all of us, but the time is different for each one of us. Would you still listen to the tick-tick of their time instead of yours? I think not!

Even after all these realizations, if dying seems like the best and the last option to you, then die once in your dream to reborn into someone you have never known, or the world has never met, into someone who doesn’t care even when there is no friend to say hello to, because you would no longer need hellos, love yous; you will be on your own. Will you think about another attempt to suicide then? I think not!

The boat sinks only when you let the water enter inside the boat. Do not give circumstances and insignificant people chance to make a hole in your boat. Does it still matter in whose voice you are reading it? I think not!

PS. I am not going to point out that there is family and people who love us, and who suffer when one has committed suicide, because sometimes they are very reason why one has killed himself/herself. Live for yourself, or for someone who is worth living for.

Kritika Vashist