There were a lot of questions that I wanted to ask him before he left for a long vacation without telling me.
Did you take your favorite black sweater with you? Do you remember the recipe of the soup that instantly heals cold? Have you kept your playlist ready because you know that you hate travelling alone?
I cannot say that I know him well, but I do know that winter is his favorite season. He likes to feel sunlight falling on his face. He likes to build small tents under the starry sky and stare at it like a child. I cannot see myself guessing where he must have gone, but I do know that he does not miss being here, with me.
I am sure he could have found me fixing a broken flower pot on the terrace, but I guess, his impromptu holiday plan did not leave him enough time to say goodbye. I try to anticipate his return while carefully keeping the flower pot back in its place.
The habit I formed with him of looking at the sunsets every evening poked me in the ribs but there was no way I could go outside. The sunset from the window looked pale like my skin. The keys to the house were nowhere to be found. I think he forgot to keep it under the doormat, or maybe, he mistakenly took it with him. So, I plop myself on the couch in my dingy room because I’m too afraid to leave the house unlocked, and wonder if living life alone is the scariest thing in the world, or is it the love that you give to someone who would never reciprocate?
I stare at the wall and hear the loud and slow ticking of the clock. I try to miss things that were never really here. There is nothing here. There is nothing except a few photo frames hanging on the wall, unfinished paintings and sketches on the study table, a silent guitar placed right next to the list of the song he once shared with me, and a speaker playing a song on loop since he left. I do not know if I hate or love that I have kind of become indifferent to the song’s presence in the room. However, I wish it was louder than the emptiness that fills the room.
There were a lot of questions that I wanted to ask myself. How long will I have to stay inside? Should I leave this place unsafe for my own selfish reason to go out to watch a damn sunset?Are there enough memories to play on rewind until I get this fixed? Should I wait for him to come back and find the keys with me?
I do not know if I will find someone who will willingly take care of my place while I go and get a new key made. I do not know if the house is capable of keeping itself safe.
It’s Halloween and I am scared of losing myself in finding a stupid key that you could have safely handed to me before leaving.
I do not know why you thought that ghosting me on Halloween would be the scariest thing to do. The scariest thing that can happen right now is leaving this house unlocked even if there’s nothing to be stolen.